Current mood: cooky/wacky
for some reason my mind is SO not here at work. I've got a stack piled to each side of me and a 'to do' list that is only halfway checked off. Nothing too hard or overwhelming, and I know I could actually get all of it done by the time I leave (including the fact I am leaving early today) but I just cannot make myself get motivated. Obviously - I am on myspace. :) I also just opened a can of Diet Mountain Dew. HA! Noy much of a soda drinker (or POP as they call it here) but I guess I need the caffeine, the carbonation and the uh, yellow 5. lol
Last night all three of us worked out at the house close till 11pm. We are so tired. Not to mention the fact that Patrick works at 6am on Fridays as well as closes at Sears, so he literally works a 15+ hour day. Oh! and I forgot to mention that Nadia 'ran away' last night. lol, yep- we walked outside to load up in the jeep, she had to pee, so I waite dpatiently with passenger door open and she turned, looke dat me and was off! I yelled her name, and she just ran faster. Well, our new neighborhood is scarcly dark at night. Minutes later Patrick found her ( he went searching by truck)..... lets just say - Nadia and Patrick are still NOT speaking.
I had only two things to chose from to wear this morning (because everything is packed and at the other house) so I decided on the black vs. the black, yellow and white dress. hehehe well , little did I know the sun would go into hiding today and that the weather would drop 20 degrees. I am freezing my tukas off! I have a mini space heater going at my feet - on high, and I have a fleece scarf around my neck. My boss thinks I am a real piece of work - as he takes off as many layers as possible - he is hot. Go figure.
I'm craving pumpkin pie, french fries, and Blue Diamond Smokehouse almonds. Hmmm, where I CAN GET SOME OF THOSE??
I've gotten excited about this wedding planning process, I've written exactly what I want on many sheets of paper- when the thought comes to me. Its quite humorous. A lady on the bus this morning sat down next to me and as I was drawing stick figures with names across their chests she gave me a questionable look. I just smiled. I wanted to say ' I'm planning my wedding party's entrance'! lol, like she would have really cared and really I think I enjoyed the fact that she was questioning my adult artistic ability.
ok, I'm going to try to get going on my work projects... the caffeine has hit a tiny bot and it's almost lunch time AND.... I only have 3.5 -4 hours left of my day!
Friday, October 17, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
It's Noon
Current mood: distractable
It must be exactly 12pm, noon. The church bells down the street at the Church of Christ Cathedral are ringing - ding, ding, ding.
I'm at work, miserable. It could be there is so much to do at my apartment, at the new house. Walls to be painted, rooms to be decorated. Or it could be I just want to save up my energy for my daughter and Patrick, or it could be that work, for the past couple of months, has been absolutely tense and exhausting. The beauty of my job is the simple fact that its not hard, stressfree and i enjoyed it because it was constantly changing. Lately its been the entire opposite. I still love the people I work with, but I've seen some colors shine that I prefer know not exist. Everybody goes through trying times and their lives seem to close up and any ugliness that they may have does begin to take over, however- as soon as it happens, in my mind, you realize it, slap yourself, and snap out of it! Why does everyone else have to be miserable with you?!?
Apart of me also goes back to my 'plan'. I've always wanted to do so many other things and go to school etc. Of course there have always been excuses for why I havent done any of those , and at this point, I am now a home owner- woo hoo - which means " YOU MUST WORK!" lol.... so obviously 'not working' is no longer an option. I wonder what will happen when Ally starts school - real school. she'll start later and end earlier... so then what? I want to be home when my daughter gets home from school, I want to help her get ready in the mornings. This is very important to me.
I know several people that 'work from home' who always rant and rave how fabulous it is to be home, and though only a pinch jealous - I have no desire to sell products out of my home via parties, sales calls, website sales etc. well, unless its Partylite. LOL I see it work wonders for people, but I don't think I could ever be that self motivated. HELLO- i can never go to the gym, even if I am in the parking lot! Funny thing is... one of my strong points as a manager and as an employee is I was always so great at self motivation! ha!
I wish I would've finished school to get my teaching credentials... that would be ideal.
I wish I could make a career out of planning our life together.. the house, Ally's school, her dance and the wedding. So far, plans with the wedding have been very smooth. Its still a challenge. We are doing this all by ourselves. No financial or planning help from anyone. Lots of people do that I know... but I wonder if they have a house, a three year old, and 9 months to save for a 'nice' wedding'. If so - please share some advice and words of wisdom... It will happen, I'm really not worried about it- which is so not me! I usually will find something to worry about. ... there is still time....
off to get some food....
It must be exactly 12pm, noon. The church bells down the street at the Church of Christ Cathedral are ringing - ding, ding, ding.
I'm at work, miserable. It could be there is so much to do at my apartment, at the new house. Walls to be painted, rooms to be decorated. Or it could be I just want to save up my energy for my daughter and Patrick, or it could be that work, for the past couple of months, has been absolutely tense and exhausting. The beauty of my job is the simple fact that its not hard, stressfree and i enjoyed it because it was constantly changing. Lately its been the entire opposite. I still love the people I work with, but I've seen some colors shine that I prefer know not exist. Everybody goes through trying times and their lives seem to close up and any ugliness that they may have does begin to take over, however- as soon as it happens, in my mind, you realize it, slap yourself, and snap out of it! Why does everyone else have to be miserable with you?!?
Apart of me also goes back to my 'plan'. I've always wanted to do so many other things and go to school etc. Of course there have always been excuses for why I havent done any of those , and at this point, I am now a home owner- woo hoo - which means " YOU MUST WORK!" lol.... so obviously 'not working' is no longer an option. I wonder what will happen when Ally starts school - real school. she'll start later and end earlier... so then what? I want to be home when my daughter gets home from school, I want to help her get ready in the mornings. This is very important to me.
I know several people that 'work from home' who always rant and rave how fabulous it is to be home, and though only a pinch jealous - I have no desire to sell products out of my home via parties, sales calls, website sales etc. well, unless its Partylite. LOL I see it work wonders for people, but I don't think I could ever be that self motivated. HELLO- i can never go to the gym, even if I am in the parking lot! Funny thing is... one of my strong points as a manager and as an employee is I was always so great at self motivation! ha!
I wish I would've finished school to get my teaching credentials... that would be ideal.
I wish I could make a career out of planning our life together.. the house, Ally's school, her dance and the wedding. So far, plans with the wedding have been very smooth. Its still a challenge. We are doing this all by ourselves. No financial or planning help from anyone. Lots of people do that I know... but I wonder if they have a house, a three year old, and 9 months to save for a 'nice' wedding'. If so - please share some advice and words of wisdom... It will happen, I'm really not worried about it- which is so not me! I usually will find something to worry about. ... there is still time....
off to get some food....
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Update of Events ~
So fall begins... its amazing how this city transitions almost immediately. Once Labor Day is over- there is no sign of summer; the leaves begin to change colors and the weather turns from heat to gray breezes. Ally first day back after the holiday was chaotic. The parking lot was out of control and dancers from age 5-16 in leotards were lined up in almost every corner of the studio. As a side note- her school is part of a large dance studio/gymnastics center. It's definitely the perk. This is the year that Ally can finally participate in the dance/gymnastic activities in her school, so of course we had to buy her ballet shoes and dance clothes- SHE IS ESTACTIC! I'll post pictures as soon as I can.
Well, as a perk of paying a large sum for tuition for daycare/school and for my daughter to partake in Carol Leone dance, the owner offered for me to enroll in any dance class I wanted – free of charge. I had always to take dance there but never had the 'extra funds' to do so. Last night was my first class – Adult Ballet and Jazz. Let me tell you, this is the first time in a long time I have felt inexperienced as a dancer or just not graceful. Granite, I did dance, cheer, hula about 8-10 years ago, but that seems soo long ago. And it showed. My instructor was fantastic and she said I did great, which was nice, however I am no ballerina. In fact, the last time I had anything to do with ballet was when I was 5. So- it's been a while. I had a good time though and today I am sore in places I've never been sore in. (well, not in the last 8 years anyway) There are four other girls in my class, and they have all been pretty much professionally dancing since they were 2 or 3. But it's not like I'm trying out for the nutcracker or anything, so no pressure, just fun. Since the class is a little more advanced that I seem to be, I can't help but laugh at myself. This will be the perfect 'my time' though. It's every Monday for an hour. I'll keep you posted.
We also added a new member to our family last night. For the past several months I fell in AWW with a grey stray cat that roamed the apartment complex. She was too skittish to ever pet her but she was so pretty to look at. A lady down below us works for the Humane Society, fell in aww with her too and began to feed her, so she pretty much became her outside cat. Well, this pretty kitty ended up having kittens. She had four. Our neighbor said she was going to wait till the kittens were 6 weeks and she was going to take the momma to get spayed and take the kittens to the Humane Society. I have a big heart for animals and ever since living with Katie-Laine I now have a special place for kitties. So, I told Ms. Jane (our neighbor) that we would take one in. So- tomorrow Momma kitty is going to get spayed which means, she can no longer nurse and the kitties will then need to be taken care of. Patrick volunteered to help gather the kittens so that we could keep one and the others can go to the Humane Society, well, unknowing of the daunting task that it is- Patrick tried to catch a kitty; after scratches, cuts, blood and bites, Patrick caught one kitten. It was a grey one, just like his momma. We took him in and kept him in a safe place. He warmed up to me almost immediately and so we now have a new family member. We take him today to the vet to get all checked out and full of shots, so it will then be official. As for the others, we still hope to catch them to take them to a safe place before the rains really start coming in, so wish us luck!
Patrick and I have started new, and we are in a really great place together and are super excited about buying our home. Its almost here and I just can't believe it. We close the 30th……..
I've been praying a lot lately for events to continue to be a smooth as they are and I've been consistently praying for a check to show up in the mail to help us out financially, with closing costs, things we need desperately- a new bed for all of us, a new car seat, dishes, dishwasher, etc. and you will won't believe it, but… a check showed up in the mail yesterday. A prayer had been answered!! However, the check I have been praying for is a couple hundred dollars or more, maybe a couple thousand or so, and the check we actually received was $20.00. God really does have a sense of humor- doesn't he?!
Well, as a perk of paying a large sum for tuition for daycare/school and for my daughter to partake in Carol Leone dance, the owner offered for me to enroll in any dance class I wanted – free of charge. I had always to take dance there but never had the 'extra funds' to do so. Last night was my first class – Adult Ballet and Jazz. Let me tell you, this is the first time in a long time I have felt inexperienced as a dancer or just not graceful. Granite, I did dance, cheer, hula about 8-10 years ago, but that seems soo long ago. And it showed. My instructor was fantastic and she said I did great, which was nice, however I am no ballerina. In fact, the last time I had anything to do with ballet was when I was 5. So- it's been a while. I had a good time though and today I am sore in places I've never been sore in. (well, not in the last 8 years anyway) There are four other girls in my class, and they have all been pretty much professionally dancing since they were 2 or 3. But it's not like I'm trying out for the nutcracker or anything, so no pressure, just fun. Since the class is a little more advanced that I seem to be, I can't help but laugh at myself. This will be the perfect 'my time' though. It's every Monday for an hour. I'll keep you posted.
We also added a new member to our family last night. For the past several months I fell in AWW with a grey stray cat that roamed the apartment complex. She was too skittish to ever pet her but she was so pretty to look at. A lady down below us works for the Humane Society, fell in aww with her too and began to feed her, so she pretty much became her outside cat. Well, this pretty kitty ended up having kittens. She had four. Our neighbor said she was going to wait till the kittens were 6 weeks and she was going to take the momma to get spayed and take the kittens to the Humane Society. I have a big heart for animals and ever since living with Katie-Laine I now have a special place for kitties. So, I told Ms. Jane (our neighbor) that we would take one in. So- tomorrow Momma kitty is going to get spayed which means, she can no longer nurse and the kitties will then need to be taken care of. Patrick volunteered to help gather the kittens so that we could keep one and the others can go to the Humane Society, well, unknowing of the daunting task that it is- Patrick tried to catch a kitty; after scratches, cuts, blood and bites, Patrick caught one kitten. It was a grey one, just like his momma. We took him in and kept him in a safe place. He warmed up to me almost immediately and so we now have a new family member. We take him today to the vet to get all checked out and full of shots, so it will then be official. As for the others, we still hope to catch them to take them to a safe place before the rains really start coming in, so wish us luck!
Patrick and I have started new, and we are in a really great place together and are super excited about buying our home. Its almost here and I just can't believe it. We close the 30th……..
I've been praying a lot lately for events to continue to be a smooth as they are and I've been consistently praying for a check to show up in the mail to help us out financially, with closing costs, things we need desperately- a new bed for all of us, a new car seat, dishes, dishwasher, etc. and you will won't believe it, but… a check showed up in the mail yesterday. A prayer had been answered!! However, the check I have been praying for is a couple hundred dollars or more, maybe a couple thousand or so, and the check we actually received was $20.00. God really does have a sense of humor- doesn't he?!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Ally Claire
Current mood: contemplative
My daughter is amazing! I seriously believe my daughter is the greatest little girl ever! (but who doesn't feel that way about their child) My daughter reminds me frequently about the important things in life - the main factor- just being happy. She is tickled pink about her birthday being next weekend, I mean ESTATIC . i picked her up from school yesterday and she was bouncing up and down saying it was her birthday, she got a birthday crown, cake, cookies, it's her birthday... etc...I smiled so big just seeing how super excited she was. Her birthday is the 30th of this month, but her school does one big birthday party in the middle of the month for those who have a birthday in that month and they recognize them with a birthday hat or crown. Since my daughter is obsessed with being a princess, her pink and purple glitter crown they made her yesterday was PERFECT! I asked her what she wanted for her birthday - she told me 'pink presents with butterflies' hehehhee last week she was still stuck on getting a bike. She said to me 'Mommy, you want to buy me a bike for my birthday present?' .....................of course I do, and we will. So- yeah she is getting a bike!
Unfortunately AGAIN - we cannot afford to have a birthday party for her.. I had the cutest idea in my head, may be next year. So- we'll celebrate twice, once while my sister is here (this is her last weekend) and once when my brother comes to visit - (the following weekend)... I am thinking a crown and cake and pink presents will make her day!
My daughter prays to GOD... yes, her sweet little voice thanks God everyday for all the blessings she has been given. The first time she asked to pray with me made me just cry... I teared up telling Patrick and my sister about it. There is something amazing about a child wanting to thank God for family, pets, friends, and the food she ate. The first time I heard her pray was amazing... she usually would ask me or her daddy to pray but this time she wnated to say the good night prayer. She thanked God for the pretty day, for her mommy, daddy, aunt katie, baby erik, nadia , piper puma for her noodles and salad... if we all could just appreciate we have family, friends and food to eat! So, the past two nights we sit down at the table for dinner and she says, 'We have to say a prayer!' and to see her get excited and bow her head.... I thank God for my little angel.
I HATE POTTY TRAINING! I think this is the worst. We have been working on this for way over a year, almost 2 years actually... We werent as 'serious' 2 years ago when she was little, but I wanted to introduce it early, but apreantly that really does not make a difference. I KNOW she will not go until she is ready but my goodness. She IS ready. She will tell us she needs to potty and she will go, and its great, and there are other times where she just goes on her own and comes to show us her poo or pee- which is even better! then there are times where she either will have multiple accidents (she LOVES to wear big girl panties) or she'll be so distracted she'll soak her pull up. NOTHING grosses me out more than the smell of ----- yuck! We are constantly telling her to go potty or asking her if she feels like she need sto go, etc... it's just a lot tougher than I ever expected. It totally stresses me out!
My daughter is amazing! I seriously believe my daughter is the greatest little girl ever! (but who doesn't feel that way about their child) My daughter reminds me frequently about the important things in life - the main factor- just being happy. She is tickled pink about her birthday being next weekend, I mean ESTATIC . i picked her up from school yesterday and she was bouncing up and down saying it was her birthday, she got a birthday crown, cake, cookies, it's her birthday... etc...I smiled so big just seeing how super excited she was. Her birthday is the 30th of this month, but her school does one big birthday party in the middle of the month for those who have a birthday in that month and they recognize them with a birthday hat or crown. Since my daughter is obsessed with being a princess, her pink and purple glitter crown they made her yesterday was PERFECT! I asked her what she wanted for her birthday - she told me 'pink presents with butterflies' hehehhee last week she was still stuck on getting a bike. She said to me 'Mommy, you want to buy me a bike for my birthday present?' .....................of course I do, and we will. So- yeah she is getting a bike!
Unfortunately AGAIN - we cannot afford to have a birthday party for her.. I had the cutest idea in my head, may be next year. So- we'll celebrate twice, once while my sister is here (this is her last weekend) and once when my brother comes to visit - (the following weekend)... I am thinking a crown and cake and pink presents will make her day!
My daughter prays to GOD... yes, her sweet little voice thanks God everyday for all the blessings she has been given. The first time she asked to pray with me made me just cry... I teared up telling Patrick and my sister about it. There is something amazing about a child wanting to thank God for family, pets, friends, and the food she ate. The first time I heard her pray was amazing... she usually would ask me or her daddy to pray but this time she wnated to say the good night prayer. She thanked God for the pretty day, for her mommy, daddy, aunt katie, baby erik, nadia , piper puma for her noodles and salad... if we all could just appreciate we have family, friends and food to eat! So, the past two nights we sit down at the table for dinner and she says, 'We have to say a prayer!' and to see her get excited and bow her head.... I thank God for my little angel.
I HATE POTTY TRAINING! I think this is the worst. We have been working on this for way over a year, almost 2 years actually... We werent as 'serious' 2 years ago when she was little, but I wanted to introduce it early, but apreantly that really does not make a difference. I KNOW she will not go until she is ready but my goodness. She IS ready. She will tell us she needs to potty and she will go, and its great, and there are other times where she just goes on her own and comes to show us her poo or pee- which is even better! then there are times where she either will have multiple accidents (she LOVES to wear big girl panties) or she'll be so distracted she'll soak her pull up. NOTHING grosses me out more than the smell of ----- yuck! We are constantly telling her to go potty or asking her if she feels like she need sto go, etc... it's just a lot tougher than I ever expected. It totally stresses me out!
Friday, May 9, 2008
Letter to Michael. Letting it go Part 1
Current mood: contemplative
*******Disclaimer*******
This is me letting go of some thoughts, feelings,resentment and carried over hurt, if for some reason you don't think you will be able to read this without throwing it in to my face or using it to hurt me then do not read any further. Thank you!
__________________________________________________________
Dearest Michael,
heh - or My Michael as I used to call you. I am so sorry for not being honest in what I was feeling which caused me to hurt you. It's important for you to know~ I did not cheat on you or do any of the things you thought I did. I lied about them. Obviously, not realizing how much it would hurt both of us. Why is not important anymore except for the fact of being young and stupid enough to 'test' someone's love for them- Which is what I did. I eventually learned I got the answer I wanted, but didn't realize it because of the mistake I made of not being honest with you. Why did I let you believe that I did anything wrong? WHO does that? ....I did. I left for me, it had nothing to do with you. I was scared in the direction I thought my life was going. After what happened in May of 1999, the way your mom despised my existence, my lack of family support, the drug abuse of my mother, the lack of love for myself - I needed to grow. Unfortunately, that meant leaving my past (ours included) behind. However, I've never been able to let go because you never knew the truth. You and your family believed a lie I never denied. I didn't get a chance to apologize or to tell you how much I truly with all of my heart loved you. It made me happy to hear through the grapevine you have been living out your dream, doing all you wanted to do and now you are getting married. All that I am expressing to you is only something of your past- you obviously moved forward and haven't lost any sleep... but for me to let go of you - I had to let this all go. You will never actually receive this ( i believe you said it best when you said 'please don't ever contact me again') but maybe you will in some other form. I have always loved you Michael. And for the rest of my life I will always be grateful for your heart that you had once given me and you will still always have a piece of mine. Just know that it was because of you I was able to truly be myself. You let me to believe I was loveable and though 'lost'; a good person. And because of your faith in me I was able to move forward in my life and be open to so many new things. After moving to Nashville, I wanted so bad to tell you all about it and hoped that you'd be proud of some of the accomplishments I had made. And I remember your last verbal words to me..."I hope you find what it is you are searching for". Well, since I am being honest here - I was searching for my 'place'. My place in where I fit into all of it. I was totally lost and NO i don't think I am found, settled by any means, but I had found my place in life within myself, and was able to grow into my own person, instead of remaining that sad broken person. But~ I miss you Michael. I miss you all the days in my life. I wish you so many wonderful things in your current and in your future. I hope that when I run into you one day you can smile at me and say hello.
Forever and a day,
Stephanie
P.s. I loved your mom too... I know you didn't think so, I was just so hurt by the way she treated me... but I realized it wasn't necessarily about me- it was her having a hard time letting you go and being protective. I don't blame her at all. In fact, I used to pray for her in hopes she'd forgive what happened and not continue to hold ill feelings towards me.
*******Disclaimer*******
This is me letting go of some thoughts, feelings,resentment and carried over hurt, if for some reason you don't think you will be able to read this without throwing it in to my face or using it to hurt me then do not read any further. Thank you!
__________________________________________________________
Dearest Michael,
heh - or My Michael as I used to call you. I am so sorry for not being honest in what I was feeling which caused me to hurt you. It's important for you to know~ I did not cheat on you or do any of the things you thought I did. I lied about them. Obviously, not realizing how much it would hurt both of us. Why is not important anymore except for the fact of being young and stupid enough to 'test' someone's love for them- Which is what I did. I eventually learned I got the answer I wanted, but didn't realize it because of the mistake I made of not being honest with you. Why did I let you believe that I did anything wrong? WHO does that? ....I did. I left for me, it had nothing to do with you. I was scared in the direction I thought my life was going. After what happened in May of 1999, the way your mom despised my existence, my lack of family support, the drug abuse of my mother, the lack of love for myself - I needed to grow. Unfortunately, that meant leaving my past (ours included) behind. However, I've never been able to let go because you never knew the truth. You and your family believed a lie I never denied. I didn't get a chance to apologize or to tell you how much I truly with all of my heart loved you. It made me happy to hear through the grapevine you have been living out your dream, doing all you wanted to do and now you are getting married. All that I am expressing to you is only something of your past- you obviously moved forward and haven't lost any sleep... but for me to let go of you - I had to let this all go. You will never actually receive this ( i believe you said it best when you said 'please don't ever contact me again') but maybe you will in some other form. I have always loved you Michael. And for the rest of my life I will always be grateful for your heart that you had once given me and you will still always have a piece of mine. Just know that it was because of you I was able to truly be myself. You let me to believe I was loveable and though 'lost'; a good person. And because of your faith in me I was able to move forward in my life and be open to so many new things. After moving to Nashville, I wanted so bad to tell you all about it and hoped that you'd be proud of some of the accomplishments I had made. And I remember your last verbal words to me..."I hope you find what it is you are searching for". Well, since I am being honest here - I was searching for my 'place'. My place in where I fit into all of it. I was totally lost and NO i don't think I am found, settled by any means, but I had found my place in life within myself, and was able to grow into my own person, instead of remaining that sad broken person. But~ I miss you Michael. I miss you all the days in my life. I wish you so many wonderful things in your current and in your future. I hope that when I run into you one day you can smile at me and say hello.
Forever and a day,
Stephanie
P.s. I loved your mom too... I know you didn't think so, I was just so hurt by the way she treated me... but I realized it wasn't necessarily about me- it was her having a hard time letting you go and being protective. I don't blame her at all. In fact, I used to pray for her in hopes she'd forgive what happened and not continue to hold ill feelings towards me.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Letting it go
Current mood: quixotic
It's time for me to let shit go, each balloon represents an emotion. Today, this week, this month I have decided I will focus on resentment and anger. No particular event, just many that have gathered together in my heart and soul to throw their pitty party. PARTY IS OVER folks! Get the hell out!
It's time for me to let shit go, each balloon represents an emotion. Today, this week, this month I have decided I will focus on resentment and anger. No particular event, just many that have gathered together in my heart and soul to throw their pitty party. PARTY IS OVER folks! Get the hell out!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Rules for Friendships?
Current mood: stressed
Really?
I find myself wondering ~ when or where there is a friendship rule book?! Isn’t the beauty of true friendships the acceptance of someone no matter the Idiosyncrasies?! Granted ~ there is a certain level of respect that should be given and received, however, I believe this is where making friendship rules do not apply. Everyone can raise their hands and say ’yeah I have a flaky friend, or the one that talks only of themselves, the selfish friend, the overly depressed one, the crazed, the ditzy, the one who is too busy for anything etc.’ In fact - I have a few friends with the above mentioned traits as I myself carry some of these from time to time. Currently, right now- TOTAL memory lapse, seriously- I have been forgetting things almost instantly. (At work it’s terrible, but that is besides the point- I blame the medication) Also, I find myself being the overly busy/depressed- hence the meds. LOL Anyhow, I get irritated with myself constantly because I am trying SO hard to make time for my friends, family, work, and my little family here in PA, especially my active toddler. I am learning that I am terrible at spreading myself out so thin and this is causing not only me but my friends to be frustrated with me. I am very sorry.
Even my bestest friends - because they are equally as busy we never talk on the phone, I truly miss them. There is constant phone tag. We have to plan to make phone dates. This works well- when both parties can have the time, which sometimes is not the case. Email and myspace have worked great, since I can access myspace and email from work. Although, there are weeks like last week- I still have yet to respond to my mom via email and/or talk with Chelsea- I am in her wedding for cryin’ out loud! And I post this blog to release so I can get back to my load of work.
Anyway – my confusion took place as soon as I was told that there were rules to friendship. Friends should understand. I do understand having an expectation, but be mindful that you are not the only one demanding the attention and efforts too. Just because I am overwhelmed in life doesn’t mean I don’t care about you and just because I can’t drop my work or what I am doing at that moment, doesn’t mean what you have to say is not important. I always call back- maybe not right away, but I do, especially if it is important.
My heart hurts knowing I cannot be the friend you expect me to be. Please keep in mind, I am also trying to be the mom, the girlfriend, the daughter, the sister, the cousin, the aunt, the employee, the co-worker, the grandaughter, the bridesmaid, the supporter, myself and most of all a friend..
Really?
I find myself wondering ~ when or where there is a friendship rule book?! Isn’t the beauty of true friendships the acceptance of someone no matter the Idiosyncrasies?! Granted ~ there is a certain level of respect that should be given and received, however, I believe this is where making friendship rules do not apply. Everyone can raise their hands and say ’yeah I have a flaky friend, or the one that talks only of themselves, the selfish friend, the overly depressed one, the crazed, the ditzy, the one who is too busy for anything etc.’ In fact - I have a few friends with the above mentioned traits as I myself carry some of these from time to time. Currently, right now- TOTAL memory lapse, seriously- I have been forgetting things almost instantly. (At work it’s terrible, but that is besides the point- I blame the medication) Also, I find myself being the overly busy/depressed- hence the meds. LOL Anyhow, I get irritated with myself constantly because I am trying SO hard to make time for my friends, family, work, and my little family here in PA, especially my active toddler. I am learning that I am terrible at spreading myself out so thin and this is causing not only me but my friends to be frustrated with me. I am very sorry.
Even my bestest friends - because they are equally as busy we never talk on the phone, I truly miss them. There is constant phone tag. We have to plan to make phone dates. This works well- when both parties can have the time, which sometimes is not the case. Email and myspace have worked great, since I can access myspace and email from work. Although, there are weeks like last week- I still have yet to respond to my mom via email and/or talk with Chelsea- I am in her wedding for cryin’ out loud! And I post this blog to release so I can get back to my load of work.
Anyway – my confusion took place as soon as I was told that there were rules to friendship. Friends should understand. I do understand having an expectation, but be mindful that you are not the only one demanding the attention and efforts too. Just because I am overwhelmed in life doesn’t mean I don’t care about you and just because I can’t drop my work or what I am doing at that moment, doesn’t mean what you have to say is not important. I always call back- maybe not right away, but I do, especially if it is important.
My heart hurts knowing I cannot be the friend you expect me to be. Please keep in mind, I am also trying to be the mom, the girlfriend, the daughter, the sister, the cousin, the aunt, the employee, the co-worker, the grandaughter, the bridesmaid, the supporter, myself and most of all a friend..
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