It's Noon

Current mood: distractable

It must be exactly 12pm, noon. The church bells down the street at the Church of Christ Cathedral are ringing - ding, ding, ding.

I'm at work, miserable. It could be there is so much to do at my apartment, at the new house. Walls to be painted, rooms to be decorated. Or it could be I just want to save up my energy for my daughter and Patrick, or it could be that work, for the past couple of months, has been absolutely tense and exhausting. The beauty of my job is the simple fact that its not hard, stressfree and i enjoyed it because it was constantly changing. Lately its been the entire opposite. I still love the people I work with, but I've seen some colors shine that I prefer know not exist. Everybody goes through trying times and their lives seem to close up and any ugliness that they may have does begin to take over, however- as soon as it happens, in my mind, you realize it, slap yourself, and snap out of it! Why does everyone else have to be miserable with you?!?

Apart of me also goes back to my 'plan'. I've always wanted to do so many other things and go to school etc. Of course there have always been excuses for why I havent done any of those , and at this point, I am now a home owner- woo hoo - which means " YOU MUST WORK!" lol.... so obviously 'not working' is no longer an option. I wonder what will happen when Ally starts school - real school. she'll start later and end earlier... so then what? I want to be home when my daughter gets home from school, I want to help her get ready in the mornings. This is very important to me.

I know several people that 'work from home' who always rant and rave how fabulous it is to be home, and though only a pinch jealous - I have no desire to sell products out of my home via parties, sales calls, website sales etc. well, unless its Partylite. LOL I see it work wonders for people, but I don't think I could ever be that self motivated. HELLO- i can never go to the gym, even if I am in the parking lot! Funny thing is... one of my strong points as a manager and as an employee is I was always so great at self motivation! ha!

I wish I would've finished school to get my teaching credentials... that would be ideal.

I wish I could make a career out of planning our life together.. the house, Ally's school, her dance and the wedding. So far, plans with the wedding have been very smooth. Its still a challenge. We are doing this all by ourselves. No financial or planning help from anyone. Lots of people do that I know... but I wonder if they have a house, a three year old, and 9 months to save for a 'nice' wedding'. If so - please share some advice and words of wisdom... It will happen, I'm really not worried about it- which is so not me! I usually will find something to worry about. ... there is still time....

off to get some food....