Rules for Friendships?

Current mood: stressed

Really?

I find myself wondering ~ when or where there is a friendship rule book?! Isn’t the beauty of true friendships the acceptance of someone no matter the Idiosyncrasies?! Granted ~ there is a certain level of respect that should be given and received, however, I believe this is where making friendship rules do not apply. Everyone can raise their hands and say ’yeah I have a flaky friend, or the one that talks only of themselves, the selfish friend, the overly depressed one, the crazed, the ditzy, the one who is too busy for anything etc.’ In fact - I have a few friends with the above mentioned traits as I myself carry some of these from time to time. Currently, right now- TOTAL memory lapse, seriously- I have been forgetting things almost instantly. (At work it’s terrible, but that is besides the point- I blame the medication) Also, I find myself being the overly busy/depressed- hence the meds. LOL Anyhow, I get irritated with myself constantly because I am trying SO hard to make time for my friends, family, work, and my little family here in PA, especially my active toddler. I am learning that I am terrible at spreading myself out so thin and this is causing not only me but my friends to be frustrated with me. I am very sorry.

Even my bestest friends - because they are equally as busy we never talk on the phone, I truly miss them. There is constant phone tag. We have to plan to make phone dates. This works well- when both parties can have the time, which sometimes is not the case. Email and myspace have worked great, since I can access myspace and email from work. Although, there are weeks like last week- I still have yet to respond to my mom via email and/or talk with Chelsea- I am in her wedding for cryin’ out loud! And I post this blog to release so I can get back to my load of work.

Anyway – my confusion took place as soon as I was told that there were rules to friendship. Friends should understand. I do understand having an expectation, but be mindful that you are not the only one demanding the attention and efforts too. Just because I am overwhelmed in life doesn’t mean I don’t care about you and just because I can’t drop my work or what I am doing at that moment, doesn’t mean what you have to say is not important. I always call back- maybe not right away, but I do, especially if it is important.

My heart hurts knowing I cannot be the friend you expect me to be. Please keep in mind, I am also trying to be the mom, the girlfriend, the daughter, the sister, the cousin, the aunt, the employee, the co-worker, the grandaughter, the bridesmaid, the supporter, myself and most of all a friend..