Escaping Reality

Current mood: depressed

When I was younger I used to love to escape reality. I would watch movies, ride my bike, go for a long walk, or even just go for a drive. As we get older and establish our life (in whichever way that may be) we deal with life so differently. I remember watching movies and being inspired to save the world, take better care of myself, lighten up, learn something new... I would always want to do something great afterwards, and I would change something. It was always the same after the bike ride, the walk or the drive. I would come back more relaxed and inspired to do something.

These days... movies are depressing and they throw in your face the nastiness of the world. Everyone is cussing, having dirty unprotected diseased trampy sex, someone is cheating on someone, people never stay married, kids are screwed up, people like to kill people, etc. The only thing that inspires me to do is hug my baby and never let her out of the house! I no longer have a bike, the motivation to walk, and I have nowhere to drive too.

Remember when you and your group of friends would talk about what you wanted to do with your lives? Someone always wanted to do the impossible, someone always wanted to save the world, someone always wanted to be a nurse or a dr., a teacher, a scientist, a mom, etc... whatever it was. Well, I was lucky enough to have the most faciinating incredible friend sin all the world- and they are all doing what they wanted to do!!! Or they are pretty damn close. I am so proud of them all, but where am I??? I am not doing 1/2 of the things I ever wanted to do, or even still want to do. I am proudly a mommy (something I always wanted) and I moved away from my messy upbringing. So, what now? I have a job I like, that is perfect for me actually but it was never what I inspired to do. You know? Yesterday I met my boss's son. He is my age and he has accomplished extrodinary things! He graduated college several years ago, he moved to NY and now works for one of the biggest Real Estate Companies in the world. Actually it is ranked #2 in the world. (yeah... i know!) It just felt weird him asking me where I went school, why I moved here, etc... I felt so old and wasted away. How am I going to show my daughter all that is out there to live for in the world if I haven't expierenced it?

I have just been in a mental tomb full of sadness the past several months and the bricks keep laying on... eventually this too...shall pass

The Realization

Current mood: nervous

I have been hit today with the "oh my goodness, life is changing, has changed and will change" feeling. Never a bad thing, just looking around... I start my new job Monday and I am really nervous. I have no idea why, I just am. I am sad that I won't be home anymore but very excited about making money to pay things off and pay for our wedding, etc... I couldn't sleep last night- i went to sleep around 3:30ish in the AM it was awful. I was tired and went to bed at 11pm, and tossed, turned, came into the living room, then i just laid there. Thinking of EVERYTHING! That is the things that bugs me most about myself~ I have to have a plan for it all. Somethings are better unplanned, or unstressed about. But- leave it to me. I am thinking so far in advance as to how we will get off the ship to take wedding pictures if my dress will get wrinkly or not. I am also thinking of when we buy a house, I want my kitchen a certain why and want a specific layout! UGH!! Then I kept thinking how I am going to lose weight etc...

I am looking forward to Christmas this year. Christmas was always a holiday I liked but the past of christmas' were not the best. The last 2 were great, but the before that- awful!!!! This year I really want to make is special for everyone. We are getting a couple of angels from the Angel Tree this year. I had always wanted to do that. Ally is at an age, when it will be lots of fun. We really want holiday guests to come stay and enjoy the winter with us.

anyway- just realizing a lot has changed in the past 2 months- our address, our location, our DL's, our additudes, our budget, our eating habits, our prayer habits, our relationships, our jobs, Ally. It's all good!

A job, at Last!

Current mood: good

I got the job! I went for my 2nd interview today downtown, and they offered me the job with pay of more than what I asked!

I am really excited. I will be working for a real estate management company as an Executive Assistant. I will have my own office and they bought me new furniture and a new computer!! And did I mention I am downtown of beautiful Pittsburgh?! Downfall.... I will now enjoy the life of public transportation. Not terrible, but I don't exactly live right outside the city. I will be sad not to be home, it has been pretty wonderful. Financially we have been ok, but we have things we would love to save for... example, our wedding, our house. And I have been pretty desperate for some adult interaction. I am going to miss spending my days with Ally reading books and teaching her new words (she now says "thank you" by the way), cooking dinner nightly and cleaning the house, most of all~being caught up on laundry! I know they don't have to stop, but the energy to be as great may die down some. hmmm, maybe not, besides I am doing this for myself and most of all for my family.

So... yeah! I start the Monday after Thanksgiving.

PA rules suck!

Current mood: irritated

I can't even go into detail how horrible today at the DMV was, but to simply state... Pennsylvania has the most ridiculous rules ever!!! You can't get a Driver's license without 4 forms of ID, 3 forms of proof of residence and that doesn't include your out if state DL!!!

Ugh!! We had to go back home, gather more info, and then... yes, we got sent home again!! Because they couldn't get our info from TN!! We have to go back tomorrow!!!! Did I mention the DMV is NOT close by?!

p.s. to register your vehicle it is even worse! You must have PA insurance, a PA DL, your actual title to the vehicle, must be a PA title (which is hard to do when you have a leinholder in TN) and worse of all, i need to get my car registered before Tuesday!!!

Insomnia

Current mood: restless

I can't sleep. This is the 3rd week I have been like this. I sleep an average of three hours a night in my bed. It doesn't matter how tired I am. As soon as I get into bed, I am awake and my mind is going crazy, I can't get comfortable, and I just stare at the window, looking for some potential entertainment.

Right now, totally sleepy... sitting in the living room, eyes bug eyed, filling out surveys and sufring the web. UGH! Every now and then Ally or Nadia will wimper or cry/bark because of a bad dream, so I 'll have to get up and pad one or both of them on the back.

I need to feng shui our room, but of course Patrick says,"what the hell is that? " That is the item of furniture he placed on his own (the bed) and I would hate to have to move it. But really our head should face north and our feet should face the door, and our heads are not facing north!

Did I also mention that my throat hurts? Yep! It does, and that keeps me from falling asleep too. (of course)

By the way~ it snowed today. It didn't stick, but it was pretty cool. Our first PA snow. It's going to be a cold but beautiful winter. Well, I am going to surf around looking for job postings I guess... G'night!

The Road Less Traveled

Current mood: refreshed

I think we can all agree that we often complain about life and all that happens in life... right? Well, I sure do. I think it is apart of our nature to dwell in the "whoa is me" song and dance. I am used to it from my family, friends, starngers, myself etc. Well, there is a book we all should read.

The Road Less Traveled M. SCOTT PECK, M.D.

I have read it all the way once years ago, and I have started it again. Now that I am in a totally different place in my life, it hits me in a totally different light. The first line and paragraph say exactly what we need to know!

*Life is difficult. This is great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a truth because we only truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-than life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longers matters.

Most do not fully see this truth that life is difficult. Instead they moan more or less incessantly, noisily, or subtly, about the enormity of their problems, their burdens, and their difficulties as if life were generally easy, as if life should be easy. *

"Life is a series od problems. Do we want to moan about them or solve them? Do we want to teach our children to solve them?"

Great book!

Arriving in PA

Current mood: excited

So, we arrived Saturday night, and got settled in to our hotel room at the Days Inn in Pittsburgh. I have to say that Pennsylvania is extremely beautiful. Nothing but hills. Everything is at the top of a hill. Fed Ex has its own mountain for their corporate office (fancy) Our hotel is on the top of a hill as well. Sunday we slept in and ate our free continental breakfast and traveled around our new town. Moon Township/Coraopolis. I really love it. It's so quaint and beautiful. J Our new apartment complex is in a secluded neighborhood surrounded by a forest of trees, it just so beautiful. All of the street signs are made of old wood with white paint of the titled street, it's so cute! We move into our apartment Wednesday and tomorrow we are going to the city of Pittsburgh- only 15 minutes maybe 20 minutes away. I am pretty excited about that. The movers are planning to be here Thursday or Friday. I will do my best to take pictures, this place is so beautiful.