Current mood: cold
I recently just finsished reading "Scar Tissue" - Anthony Kiedis and I have to say hands down, one of the greatest books ever! It could be because I have been on the other side of someone's drug use/ recovery my whole life, and to finally understand the feelings of the disease 'addiction' it puts things into a completely new perspective. So, I took a trip to Barnes and Noble yesterday to find a new book. I went to each section of the store and pulled out a couple books , read details etc... and I could not find a book to pull me in. I want to be inspired, I want the answers to all of my questinons to be written in bold red letters, so all I need to do is open the book, read, and bam! life falls into place. Wishful thinking right?
I recently had an arguement with a certain somebody and he felt the need to throw any words of my own into my face just to be hateful... so from this point forward my blogs and all else will be private, from this person anyway. Who wants their own thoughts to be used against them?
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Current mood: gloomy
Perhaps it's because it's that "time of the month" or perhaps the season is now changing, or that life is changing again. Right when I think I have embraced change- it comes around and smacks me again saying- " I'm back!" I enjoy change, however, it's like becoming comfortable in the bed or on your couch and someone takes your pillow or blanket away- you look around like, "wtf?!" you either don't care, deal with it, throw a fit, or get off your ass to get a new pillow or blanket. I am in the " ugh! are you serious, I really have to get up and get a new pillow or blanket - again?" phase. Once I am up, it won't be a big deal and I may not even lay back down, but it's just at that point. Life is good, I am not complaining ( just expressing) but right now I am in a funk. (again!)
My daughter is in this phase where she only wants her daddy, and I'm chop liver. It doesn't matter that I had carried her in my womb for 9 months or that I nursed her everyday for 6 months, or that I feed, bathe and clothe her... or that i take time to teach her colors, numbers, letters and animals, or that i read to her everyday or tell her I love her and give her hugs and kisses... NOPE.... it's all about her daddy- she is daddy's little girl. I am so thankful that she has a wonderful daddy and that her daddy loves her so much. But I am still hurt and jealous. I am ready to have my boy so he can love his mama!! Actually, I am just kidding, I am not ready for another baby. I have been trying my hardest for so long to lose weight and feel like a 26 year old female again. I am almost there.
Anyway- my job is great and Pittsburgh is wonderful and I have made some great friends that I can talk to. I have Nancy at work, who I totally love and look forward to being with. She and I can share stories and laugh at each other, it's great. And then there is Stephanie who I see only sometimes and we always talk about escaping the mom world for 5 minutes and then we laugh because we both know we can't stand to be away from our kids that long! Then there is Jim and his wife Anna. Jim has been so great to me! He lets me talk about whatever, and he will listen even if he is totally uninterested. (that is always a sign of a good friend) he makes me laugh and I feel totally comfortable around him to be myself. I look forward to seeing him on a daily basis too. But then there are the days when I dont' see Jim, Nancy doesn't work and I don't see or talk to Stephanie. I then begin to miss my friends. I think what I miss, is not just the people, but the opportunity to just go meet after work for coffee and catch up. I have been playing phone tag with Rebekah for over a month now~ and I finally got to talk wth her for maybe 7 minutes.
Ally's birthday is coming up and we are no longer going to California and I miss my family. I miss both my aunt Lisa's. In fact I need them right now at this time in my life. To just sit and talk to... to tell me that all is well, live your dream etc... they both are so good at that. Ally is going to be 2 and so she doesn't need a big party but I'd like to do something more than cake.
My sister who is 17 and pregnant just found out what she is having. She is having a boy. This shoudl be one of the most exciting times in her life, and I have yet to hear from her. Luckily my mom keeps me updated, but I also think my sister knows that I won't knwo what to say. It breaks my heart that she is in the situatinon she is in. She has no idea how hard (not even the word to explain it) raising a baby really is. I mean to really raise a baby- to do it right. To teach them love, consequences and right and wrong. She hasn't even learned those things yet. I just pray that her son will give her a crash course lesson and that her life will turn around and that they will have a chance (both of them) to do something great. My sister has a wonderful heart and fun spirit... she has the ability to change the world, but she has no idea how.
My relationship with Patrick is at a point where the past is actually almost fuzzy. This is a good thing... scratch that.... a NEEDED thing. Not the entire past just the yucky parts. However, the closer it gets to the cruise/wedding, the more I start freaking out- and I think the more calm he gets... I think I am afraid of going through the change I went through after we had Ally. The loss of personal identity.
oh geez, here I go rambling again when I look down at the clock and it is 30 minutes past when I really need to be in bed. We all go to bed early here- it's so necessary! so, goodnight.
Perhaps it's because it's that "time of the month" or perhaps the season is now changing, or that life is changing again. Right when I think I have embraced change- it comes around and smacks me again saying- " I'm back!" I enjoy change, however, it's like becoming comfortable in the bed or on your couch and someone takes your pillow or blanket away- you look around like, "wtf?!" you either don't care, deal with it, throw a fit, or get off your ass to get a new pillow or blanket. I am in the " ugh! are you serious, I really have to get up and get a new pillow or blanket - again?" phase. Once I am up, it won't be a big deal and I may not even lay back down, but it's just at that point. Life is good, I am not complaining ( just expressing) but right now I am in a funk. (again!)
My daughter is in this phase where she only wants her daddy, and I'm chop liver. It doesn't matter that I had carried her in my womb for 9 months or that I nursed her everyday for 6 months, or that I feed, bathe and clothe her... or that i take time to teach her colors, numbers, letters and animals, or that i read to her everyday or tell her I love her and give her hugs and kisses... NOPE.... it's all about her daddy- she is daddy's little girl. I am so thankful that she has a wonderful daddy and that her daddy loves her so much. But I am still hurt and jealous. I am ready to have my boy so he can love his mama!! Actually, I am just kidding, I am not ready for another baby. I have been trying my hardest for so long to lose weight and feel like a 26 year old female again. I am almost there.
Anyway- my job is great and Pittsburgh is wonderful and I have made some great friends that I can talk to. I have Nancy at work, who I totally love and look forward to being with. She and I can share stories and laugh at each other, it's great. And then there is Stephanie who I see only sometimes and we always talk about escaping the mom world for 5 minutes and then we laugh because we both know we can't stand to be away from our kids that long! Then there is Jim and his wife Anna. Jim has been so great to me! He lets me talk about whatever, and he will listen even if he is totally uninterested. (that is always a sign of a good friend) he makes me laugh and I feel totally comfortable around him to be myself. I look forward to seeing him on a daily basis too. But then there are the days when I dont' see Jim, Nancy doesn't work and I don't see or talk to Stephanie. I then begin to miss my friends. I think what I miss, is not just the people, but the opportunity to just go meet after work for coffee and catch up. I have been playing phone tag with Rebekah for over a month now~ and I finally got to talk wth her for maybe 7 minutes.
Ally's birthday is coming up and we are no longer going to California and I miss my family. I miss both my aunt Lisa's. In fact I need them right now at this time in my life. To just sit and talk to... to tell me that all is well, live your dream etc... they both are so good at that. Ally is going to be 2 and so she doesn't need a big party but I'd like to do something more than cake.
My sister who is 17 and pregnant just found out what she is having. She is having a boy. This shoudl be one of the most exciting times in her life, and I have yet to hear from her. Luckily my mom keeps me updated, but I also think my sister knows that I won't knwo what to say. It breaks my heart that she is in the situatinon she is in. She has no idea how hard (not even the word to explain it) raising a baby really is. I mean to really raise a baby- to do it right. To teach them love, consequences and right and wrong. She hasn't even learned those things yet. I just pray that her son will give her a crash course lesson and that her life will turn around and that they will have a chance (both of them) to do something great. My sister has a wonderful heart and fun spirit... she has the ability to change the world, but she has no idea how.
My relationship with Patrick is at a point where the past is actually almost fuzzy. This is a good thing... scratch that.... a NEEDED thing. Not the entire past just the yucky parts. However, the closer it gets to the cruise/wedding, the more I start freaking out- and I think the more calm he gets... I think I am afraid of going through the change I went through after we had Ally. The loss of personal identity.
oh geez, here I go rambling again when I look down at the clock and it is 30 minutes past when I really need to be in bed. We all go to bed early here- it's so necessary! so, goodnight.
Monday, April 2, 2007
Saddle Ridge - Pittsburgh, PA
Current mood: content
So, I have recently met a new friend, by the name of Jim- thanks to the 28K Moon Express. Well, he and his wife Anna took Patrick and I out last Saturday night to dinner at a great bar/restaurant then out dancing at Saddle Ridge, (Pittsburgh's version of Silverados, only 10 times bigger) in Station's Square. We had a great time- and I have been really excited about how cool both Jim and Anna were.
Well, I was very eager to get out o the dance floor- it being over 6 months since I have shakin my booty on the dance floor- They played a bunch of good songs and everyone was line dancing, it was great! Beautiful girls with perfect bodies (yuck!) were dancing tastefully on the bar, and the scenery was great. Oh by the way- they had a mechanical bull!
I finally get brave enough to go onto the dance floor, thinking "I know this song" HA!!!! They do NOT dance the same way here as they do in Nashville. I looked like a damn fool!! I tried, still kept trucking a long- but the people around me weren't really helpful, so I just smiled and pretended like I knew what I was doing... LOL- even though I had no clue! So finally- a familar song- WATERMELON CRAWL!! Now, you can't go wrong with that dance- right? HA! Again- different. Luckily it wasn't too far off, but they do some crazy move when all I learned to do was slide. Anyway- it was pretty funny to me. I was out of my element at a country bar- that was the funny part... hmmm, did I mention that Patrick rode the mechanical bull? hehehe, yeah, he did... and he THREW himself off, he did NOT fall off. So cute!
Anyway- It was a great time with great company- and my first venture out in the wonderful city of Pittsburgh. :)
So, I have recently met a new friend, by the name of Jim- thanks to the 28K Moon Express. Well, he and his wife Anna took Patrick and I out last Saturday night to dinner at a great bar/restaurant then out dancing at Saddle Ridge, (Pittsburgh's version of Silverados, only 10 times bigger) in Station's Square. We had a great time- and I have been really excited about how cool both Jim and Anna were.
Well, I was very eager to get out o the dance floor- it being over 6 months since I have shakin my booty on the dance floor- They played a bunch of good songs and everyone was line dancing, it was great! Beautiful girls with perfect bodies (yuck!) were dancing tastefully on the bar, and the scenery was great. Oh by the way- they had a mechanical bull!
I finally get brave enough to go onto the dance floor, thinking "I know this song" HA!!!! They do NOT dance the same way here as they do in Nashville. I looked like a damn fool!! I tried, still kept trucking a long- but the people around me weren't really helpful, so I just smiled and pretended like I knew what I was doing... LOL- even though I had no clue! So finally- a familar song- WATERMELON CRAWL!! Now, you can't go wrong with that dance- right? HA! Again- different. Luckily it wasn't too far off, but they do some crazy move when all I learned to do was slide. Anyway- it was pretty funny to me. I was out of my element at a country bar- that was the funny part... hmmm, did I mention that Patrick rode the mechanical bull? hehehe, yeah, he did... and he THREW himself off, he did NOT fall off. So cute!
Anyway- It was a great time with great company- and my first venture out in the wonderful city of Pittsburgh. :)
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Case of the missing hotdog
Current mood: chipper
Last Friday night, my family went to dinner at Max & Erma's. Patrick and I both in the mood for Buffalo chicken, and Ally indecisive, we ordered. We ordered Ally a corndog, logically thinking that the mac and cheese was a bad choice because her shirt was cute and that the hamburger was a bad choice because, again, her shirt was cute. As our food arrived our daughter let out this loud excited growl noise in appreciation of the quick delivery of her food. Excited to see a corndog and fries, she begins face first into her plate. We all start eating, and talking, eating, talking etc.... when, Patrick and I both noticed that Ally had devoured what was in her corndog and half of her french fries! Surprised at her eating so good, we both comment, " Ally, what a great job, you ate all of your hot dog, how about the outside?" She looks down, looks back up again and politely responses, "??Hotdog??" We smile, and say, "sweetie, you ate it. Why don't you finsih eating the outside of the hotdog". Silence..... a few seconds later her arms raise up in the questioning position, she blurts out, "??Hotdog?"...her head tilts, again... "??hotdog??" Totally cute, she asks again in a much more serious tone..."??HOTDOG??" We respond back to her again, "Honey, you ate it; it is in your belly." (Note: children take everything literally) She looks down and lifts up her shirt... "??hotdog??" at this moment Patrick and I cannot hold our laughter in anymore! again, the sweet voice questions..."??hotdog??" she lifts up out of her chair, looks around, lookS underneath the table, and screams out, "??HOTDOG??" Unsure of why the hotdog is not running to her plate, she screams out again, "??HOTDOG!!??" in hysterics, we gently say, "Honey, the hot dog is all gone." She quietly looks around, and as we anxiously await her response, she lets out a big sigh...
.......she must have realized that the hotdog was in fact not missing but was eaten- by Ally herself.
Last Friday night, my family went to dinner at Max & Erma's. Patrick and I both in the mood for Buffalo chicken, and Ally indecisive, we ordered. We ordered Ally a corndog, logically thinking that the mac and cheese was a bad choice because her shirt was cute and that the hamburger was a bad choice because, again, her shirt was cute. As our food arrived our daughter let out this loud excited growl noise in appreciation of the quick delivery of her food. Excited to see a corndog and fries, she begins face first into her plate. We all start eating, and talking, eating, talking etc.... when, Patrick and I both noticed that Ally had devoured what was in her corndog and half of her french fries! Surprised at her eating so good, we both comment, " Ally, what a great job, you ate all of your hot dog, how about the outside?" She looks down, looks back up again and politely responses, "??Hotdog??" We smile, and say, "sweetie, you ate it. Why don't you finsih eating the outside of the hotdog". Silence..... a few seconds later her arms raise up in the questioning position, she blurts out, "??Hotdog?"...her head tilts, again... "??hotdog??" Totally cute, she asks again in a much more serious tone..."??HOTDOG??" We respond back to her again, "Honey, you ate it; it is in your belly." (Note: children take everything literally) She looks down and lifts up her shirt... "??hotdog??" at this moment Patrick and I cannot hold our laughter in anymore! again, the sweet voice questions..."??hotdog??" she lifts up out of her chair, looks around, lookS underneath the table, and screams out, "??HOTDOG??" Unsure of why the hotdog is not running to her plate, she screams out again, "??HOTDOG!!??" in hysterics, we gently say, "Honey, the hot dog is all gone." She quietly looks around, and as we anxiously await her response, she lets out a big sigh...
.......she must have realized that the hotdog was in fact not missing but was eaten- by Ally herself.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
The Day After...
Current mood: cheerful
So, it was my 26th birthday yesterday... It was a low key day, which was nice. On Friday my boss brought me a cake- ordered by his wife from a really great bakery on the south side of Pittsburgh. I can't remember the name at the moment, though. Patrick picked me up from work and brought me flowers. It was such a pretty day outside- 63 degrees! So, yesterday we got up, I had cake for breakfast and opened up my present from Patrick and Ally... they got me an ipod!! We were all excited about it so we spent the day loading our cds onto itunes and downloading songs etc... good times, good times...
For dinner we went to a tropical restruant called Bahama Breeze- great place! It had plam trees, a tiki bar, fish and turtles printed on the seats, good service and great food.
Thank you for those of you who called, emailed, sent ecards or text messaged. I really appreciate the birthday wishes. I was sad because I wouldn't be able to see any of my friends or family, but Patrick and Ally always make my days pretty special.
We were debating to see if my dad would actually call or send a card, I had bets that he wouldn't and Patrick was really hoping he would. But again- he showed true colors. It's unfortunate really.
Thank you to my friends and family... miss you all. See you this summer hopefully!
So, it was my 26th birthday yesterday... It was a low key day, which was nice. On Friday my boss brought me a cake- ordered by his wife from a really great bakery on the south side of Pittsburgh. I can't remember the name at the moment, though. Patrick picked me up from work and brought me flowers. It was such a pretty day outside- 63 degrees! So, yesterday we got up, I had cake for breakfast and opened up my present from Patrick and Ally... they got me an ipod!! We were all excited about it so we spent the day loading our cds onto itunes and downloading songs etc... good times, good times...
For dinner we went to a tropical restruant called Bahama Breeze- great place! It had plam trees, a tiki bar, fish and turtles printed on the seats, good service and great food.
Thank you for those of you who called, emailed, sent ecards or text messaged. I really appreciate the birthday wishes. I was sad because I wouldn't be able to see any of my friends or family, but Patrick and Ally always make my days pretty special.
We were debating to see if my dad would actually call or send a card, I had bets that he wouldn't and Patrick was really hoping he would. But again- he showed true colors. It's unfortunate really.
Thank you to my friends and family... miss you all. See you this summer hopefully!
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Missing my friends...
Current mood: thankful
I really miss my friends. Especially my girlfriends. Some I haven't seen in years, others- just a couple of months, but it is just too long. I feel myself not being the same without them physically near.
I miss Dianna, and her music. Ally and I would pack up our stuff, drive to Dianna's, she'd cook dinner usually and we would eat, hang out, talk, and if I was lucky- she'd play for me. There is something about Dianna's music that makes my heart feel relaxed and open. It's written from true feelings and I can relate to every single song somehow. I miss her kitties and how Frannie HATED me! I miss her house, and her cold hardwood floors. I miss our talks about nothing and our talks about "somethings" that I felt like she could only understand. (being a sister Cali girl and all). Dianna, I miss you and I am glad you recorded the new song!
I miss Katielaine. I made a comment to Patrick the other day that I missed living with her. I loved waking up every morning, knowing my hair could be a crazy mess, i could be in a poopy mood, and she would be the sunshine of my morning. She opened me up to so many new ideas and she was the best person to say anything to and do anything with. I miss our friday nights of Jack in Box curly fries with ranch- her a diet coke me, a dr.pepper, atowel down to do our nails, and Legally Blonde playing on our small t.v. We would always feel motivated to do- "something". I miss our weekends at Silverados, I miss her tender soul- she was ALWAYS there, for whatever reason I needed her, she was reachable. When Bun died, she was there as if it was her rabbit, when Patrick and I were going through our "stuff" she was the one who saved her opinion (which killed her, i know) She is the only one who understands my family and loves them like her own. (especially my sister) Katielaine is my family and life is a little rougher not having her bright colorful spirit around.
I miss Adam. I miss seeing him everyday, for whatever reason- even it was just to have a sip of Dr. Pepper. When I was pregnant, he was the most incredible person to be around. he would bring me food at random, telling me to "feed the baby", he would limit my Dr. Pepper intake, (i am telling you, i was addicted to this stuff) he would come over all the time, to help me grocery shop, put something up on the wall, or just keep my company. He was always full of life, stories and drama... it was so great to have a friend that was so much fun and so loving and he appreciated everything! I remember for my birthday, he went to the redneck bar (so he calls it) even when he hates it! just to be with us on my birthday. Though I still talk to Adam throughout the week, I really miss seeing him. That was the great part about our relationship, and even when we didn't work in the mall together, I 'd either go see him or vice versa. You know, he is also so great with Ally, so loving, so thoughtful. He drove all the way out ot Hermitage from Franklin with Naresh just to watch Ally for an hour or two so I could go to my couseling session! That is a true friend!! I miss you Adam.
I miss Nancy. She's my life long forever BFF- a sister for life. I have only seen her a few times over the past few years and we are both terrible about calling. Besides the fact we live on the opposite side of the world and in a completely different time zone, we still manage to keep up our friendship. I miss us just being "us" I miss going to her house and her mom making my favorite Portuguese dish (I can't pronounce it, or I would) We did everything together- EVERYTHING. I miss that. I miss being in the same city. Driving to her house even if it was just for 30 minutes ot see her new shoes or something. Guaranteed though, every time I come home, she makes time to spend every second with me, when I am home. She's apart of my family too. She is apart of the wedding (of course) and so we have been able to talk more lately, and I really wish I had her around these days. Especially right now, going into a marriage (legally anyway) still learning everyday how to be a mom. Nancy was always so grown up, so "matter of fact" and she always tried to do the right thing, and she still does. This girl has a heart of gold. hehehehe, "pom ass"
Of course, I miss so many of my other friends that have been very special to me- Chelsea... one of my first friends in Nashville. We are a couple years apart and started working for the GAP on the same day, this started the bond. Our lives has weeved in and out of each others from time to time, but she and I always managed to stay right on track with each other. She expierenced emotional events in my life with me and vice versa. We reunited again (thanks babygap) and because of our special relationship, the bad things didn't break us. She could always make me laugh and she always brought a smile to my face. She is one of the most ambitious people i have met, and with such a postive personality like she has, it's certainly a lot ot miss.
I won't continue to go on and on, I was sitting here thinking of how much I missed my girlfriends and it brought a tear to my eye. I have the most wonderful friends in the entire world. I couldn't ask for better friends. But I have always been this blessed when it comes to my friends.
Rebekah Rogers is a great example- I can't express how AMAZING she is. Anything she touches becomes beautiful. Rebekah and I met at J. Crew, she was so quiet and just worked diligently in the back- always in men's. I really liked her attitude, always positive and sweet. When I got to know her, I thought, wow- what an incredible human being. I was automatically drawn to her.We became good friends, and just like the other I mentioned before, she always made such an effort to go out of her way. She was so thoughtful and had a huge heart and a love for God. She made you feel good about the world, because she believed in great things. She was one of the first people to show up in the hospital when Ally was born, and she was always there if I needed her. When I got in my car accident, she drove completely out of her way- frequently just to take me home. And didn't complain about it. She accepted me cooking her dinner as a form of payment. I miss being around her, she is always such a delight.
Thank you God for my incredible friends, and my wonderful family
I really miss my friends. Especially my girlfriends. Some I haven't seen in years, others- just a couple of months, but it is just too long. I feel myself not being the same without them physically near.
I miss Dianna, and her music. Ally and I would pack up our stuff, drive to Dianna's, she'd cook dinner usually and we would eat, hang out, talk, and if I was lucky- she'd play for me. There is something about Dianna's music that makes my heart feel relaxed and open. It's written from true feelings and I can relate to every single song somehow. I miss her kitties and how Frannie HATED me! I miss her house, and her cold hardwood floors. I miss our talks about nothing and our talks about "somethings" that I felt like she could only understand. (being a sister Cali girl and all). Dianna, I miss you and I am glad you recorded the new song!
I miss Katielaine. I made a comment to Patrick the other day that I missed living with her. I loved waking up every morning, knowing my hair could be a crazy mess, i could be in a poopy mood, and she would be the sunshine of my morning. She opened me up to so many new ideas and she was the best person to say anything to and do anything with. I miss our friday nights of Jack in Box curly fries with ranch- her a diet coke me, a dr.pepper, atowel down to do our nails, and Legally Blonde playing on our small t.v. We would always feel motivated to do- "something". I miss our weekends at Silverados, I miss her tender soul- she was ALWAYS there, for whatever reason I needed her, she was reachable. When Bun died, she was there as if it was her rabbit, when Patrick and I were going through our "stuff" she was the one who saved her opinion (which killed her, i know) She is the only one who understands my family and loves them like her own. (especially my sister) Katielaine is my family and life is a little rougher not having her bright colorful spirit around.
I miss Adam. I miss seeing him everyday, for whatever reason- even it was just to have a sip of Dr. Pepper. When I was pregnant, he was the most incredible person to be around. he would bring me food at random, telling me to "feed the baby", he would limit my Dr. Pepper intake, (i am telling you, i was addicted to this stuff) he would come over all the time, to help me grocery shop, put something up on the wall, or just keep my company. He was always full of life, stories and drama... it was so great to have a friend that was so much fun and so loving and he appreciated everything! I remember for my birthday, he went to the redneck bar (so he calls it) even when he hates it! just to be with us on my birthday. Though I still talk to Adam throughout the week, I really miss seeing him. That was the great part about our relationship, and even when we didn't work in the mall together, I 'd either go see him or vice versa. You know, he is also so great with Ally, so loving, so thoughtful. He drove all the way out ot Hermitage from Franklin with Naresh just to watch Ally for an hour or two so I could go to my couseling session! That is a true friend!! I miss you Adam.
I miss Nancy. She's my life long forever BFF- a sister for life. I have only seen her a few times over the past few years and we are both terrible about calling. Besides the fact we live on the opposite side of the world and in a completely different time zone, we still manage to keep up our friendship. I miss us just being "us" I miss going to her house and her mom making my favorite Portuguese dish (I can't pronounce it, or I would) We did everything together- EVERYTHING. I miss that. I miss being in the same city. Driving to her house even if it was just for 30 minutes ot see her new shoes or something. Guaranteed though, every time I come home, she makes time to spend every second with me, when I am home. She's apart of my family too. She is apart of the wedding (of course) and so we have been able to talk more lately, and I really wish I had her around these days. Especially right now, going into a marriage (legally anyway) still learning everyday how to be a mom. Nancy was always so grown up, so "matter of fact" and she always tried to do the right thing, and she still does. This girl has a heart of gold. hehehehe, "pom ass"
Of course, I miss so many of my other friends that have been very special to me- Chelsea... one of my first friends in Nashville. We are a couple years apart and started working for the GAP on the same day, this started the bond. Our lives has weeved in and out of each others from time to time, but she and I always managed to stay right on track with each other. She expierenced emotional events in my life with me and vice versa. We reunited again (thanks babygap) and because of our special relationship, the bad things didn't break us. She could always make me laugh and she always brought a smile to my face. She is one of the most ambitious people i have met, and with such a postive personality like she has, it's certainly a lot ot miss.
I won't continue to go on and on, I was sitting here thinking of how much I missed my girlfriends and it brought a tear to my eye. I have the most wonderful friends in the entire world. I couldn't ask for better friends. But I have always been this blessed when it comes to my friends.
Rebekah Rogers is a great example- I can't express how AMAZING she is. Anything she touches becomes beautiful. Rebekah and I met at J. Crew, she was so quiet and just worked diligently in the back- always in men's. I really liked her attitude, always positive and sweet. When I got to know her, I thought, wow- what an incredible human being. I was automatically drawn to her.We became good friends, and just like the other I mentioned before, she always made such an effort to go out of her way. She was so thoughtful and had a huge heart and a love for God. She made you feel good about the world, because she believed in great things. She was one of the first people to show up in the hospital when Ally was born, and she was always there if I needed her. When I got in my car accident, she drove completely out of her way- frequently just to take me home. And didn't complain about it. She accepted me cooking her dinner as a form of payment. I miss being around her, she is always such a delight.
Thank you God for my incredible friends, and my wonderful family
Saturday, January 6, 2007
Escaping Reality
Current mood: depressed
When I was younger I used to love to escape reality. I would watch movies, ride my bike, go for a long walk, or even just go for a drive. As we get older and establish our life (in whichever way that may be) we deal with life so differently. I remember watching movies and being inspired to save the world, take better care of myself, lighten up, learn something new... I would always want to do something great afterwards, and I would change something. It was always the same after the bike ride, the walk or the drive. I would come back more relaxed and inspired to do something.
These days... movies are depressing and they throw in your face the nastiness of the world. Everyone is cussing, having dirty unprotected diseased trampy sex, someone is cheating on someone, people never stay married, kids are screwed up, people like to kill people, etc. The only thing that inspires me to do is hug my baby and never let her out of the house! I no longer have a bike, the motivation to walk, and I have nowhere to drive too.
Remember when you and your group of friends would talk about what you wanted to do with your lives? Someone always wanted to do the impossible, someone always wanted to save the world, someone always wanted to be a nurse or a dr., a teacher, a scientist, a mom, etc... whatever it was. Well, I was lucky enough to have the most faciinating incredible friend sin all the world- and they are all doing what they wanted to do!!! Or they are pretty damn close. I am so proud of them all, but where am I??? I am not doing 1/2 of the things I ever wanted to do, or even still want to do. I am proudly a mommy (something I always wanted) and I moved away from my messy upbringing. So, what now? I have a job I like, that is perfect for me actually but it was never what I inspired to do. You know? Yesterday I met my boss's son. He is my age and he has accomplished extrodinary things! He graduated college several years ago, he moved to NY and now works for one of the biggest Real Estate Companies in the world. Actually it is ranked #2 in the world. (yeah... i know!) It just felt weird him asking me where I went school, why I moved here, etc... I felt so old and wasted away. How am I going to show my daughter all that is out there to live for in the world if I haven't expierenced it?
I have just been in a mental tomb full of sadness the past several months and the bricks keep laying on... eventually this too...shall pass
When I was younger I used to love to escape reality. I would watch movies, ride my bike, go for a long walk, or even just go for a drive. As we get older and establish our life (in whichever way that may be) we deal with life so differently. I remember watching movies and being inspired to save the world, take better care of myself, lighten up, learn something new... I would always want to do something great afterwards, and I would change something. It was always the same after the bike ride, the walk or the drive. I would come back more relaxed and inspired to do something.
These days... movies are depressing and they throw in your face the nastiness of the world. Everyone is cussing, having dirty unprotected diseased trampy sex, someone is cheating on someone, people never stay married, kids are screwed up, people like to kill people, etc. The only thing that inspires me to do is hug my baby and never let her out of the house! I no longer have a bike, the motivation to walk, and I have nowhere to drive too.
Remember when you and your group of friends would talk about what you wanted to do with your lives? Someone always wanted to do the impossible, someone always wanted to save the world, someone always wanted to be a nurse or a dr., a teacher, a scientist, a mom, etc... whatever it was. Well, I was lucky enough to have the most faciinating incredible friend sin all the world- and they are all doing what they wanted to do!!! Or they are pretty damn close. I am so proud of them all, but where am I??? I am not doing 1/2 of the things I ever wanted to do, or even still want to do. I am proudly a mommy (something I always wanted) and I moved away from my messy upbringing. So, what now? I have a job I like, that is perfect for me actually but it was never what I inspired to do. You know? Yesterday I met my boss's son. He is my age and he has accomplished extrodinary things! He graduated college several years ago, he moved to NY and now works for one of the biggest Real Estate Companies in the world. Actually it is ranked #2 in the world. (yeah... i know!) It just felt weird him asking me where I went school, why I moved here, etc... I felt so old and wasted away. How am I going to show my daughter all that is out there to live for in the world if I haven't expierenced it?
I have just been in a mental tomb full of sadness the past several months and the bricks keep laying on... eventually this too...shall pass
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