Rules for Friendships?

Current mood: stressed

Really?

I find myself wondering ~ when or where there is a friendship rule book?! Isn’t the beauty of true friendships the acceptance of someone no matter the Idiosyncrasies?! Granted ~ there is a certain level of respect that should be given and received, however, I believe this is where making friendship rules do not apply. Everyone can raise their hands and say ’yeah I have a flaky friend, or the one that talks only of themselves, the selfish friend, the overly depressed one, the crazed, the ditzy, the one who is too busy for anything etc.’ In fact - I have a few friends with the above mentioned traits as I myself carry some of these from time to time. Currently, right now- TOTAL memory lapse, seriously- I have been forgetting things almost instantly. (At work it’s terrible, but that is besides the point- I blame the medication) Also, I find myself being the overly busy/depressed- hence the meds. LOL Anyhow, I get irritated with myself constantly because I am trying SO hard to make time for my friends, family, work, and my little family here in PA, especially my active toddler. I am learning that I am terrible at spreading myself out so thin and this is causing not only me but my friends to be frustrated with me. I am very sorry.

Even my bestest friends - because they are equally as busy we never talk on the phone, I truly miss them. There is constant phone tag. We have to plan to make phone dates. This works well- when both parties can have the time, which sometimes is not the case. Email and myspace have worked great, since I can access myspace and email from work. Although, there are weeks like last week- I still have yet to respond to my mom via email and/or talk with Chelsea- I am in her wedding for cryin’ out loud! And I post this blog to release so I can get back to my load of work.

Anyway – my confusion took place as soon as I was told that there were rules to friendship. Friends should understand. I do understand having an expectation, but be mindful that you are not the only one demanding the attention and efforts too. Just because I am overwhelmed in life doesn’t mean I don’t care about you and just because I can’t drop my work or what I am doing at that moment, doesn’t mean what you have to say is not important. I always call back- maybe not right away, but I do, especially if it is important.

My heart hurts knowing I cannot be the friend you expect me to be. Please keep in mind, I am also trying to be the mom, the girlfriend, the daughter, the sister, the cousin, the aunt, the employee, the co-worker, the grandaughter, the bridesmaid, the supporter, myself and most of all a friend..

Smiles of Appreciation

Current mood: blessed

Yesterday was such a ridiculously gorgeous day... yeah ok... so I clearly have been on the east coast too long- because though the sun was out yesterday it still was a high of 40 degrees. However, my spirit felt comforted and my heart felt full. It was a great Easter Sunday. I do have to mention, I was sad we were not able to be with our families or friends, but the three of us had each other- our little family.

Our family is so special though... we are very close knit and i think that will very positive for Ally in her future.

Anyway- Patrick has been visiting a church (Hilltop Baptist Church) that he was referred to by a co-worker- which I truly believe was one of his answered prayers because the timing was impeccable.

He felt at home almost immediately. So after several weeks of inviting me to go with him- we all went together for a special Good Friday service. I left that place in a whole new light. Not ’oh my goodness, my life is now changed’, but my spirit felt comforted and I felt so happy to have everything I have in my life. I looked at Patrick and looked at Ally, and thought to myself. My life is incredible. I am so extremely blessed in so many ways- why have I had such a tough time seeing it? Of course, I have always put Ally on her pedistol, but somethings I just let pass me by. Yesterday I was talking to someone very special in my life, Lorianne, and as I was telling her how much we all wanted to move home, (we truly do) I said without any thought... ’Pittsburgh is great though- we love our jobs, Ally loves her school, things are really good’ and they truly are. Just recently we were able to relieve ourselves of some lingering debt and now a huge stress has been lifted off of our shoulders. The relief helps to appreciate things as well. And I do have to give my medication a lot of credit too. hehehe, I laugh, but seriously... my medication ( or my happy pills as my family calls it) truly has taken a load of tension off, and it’s almost as if the fog is clear and the path is lined with beautiful flowers (gerber daisies of course!)... now- everything is not perfect- as some people think medication may be... OH NO! I am just saying that- the medication is kicking in and many prayers are being answered. On that note- please don’t forget to say thank you when you pray. To appreciate all the wonderful things you do have in your life; is detrimental.

As a side note... if you can include in your prayers please.... pray for my little cousin Jonathan who just survived a painful 5.5 hour surgery and for The Elliston Family- who I admire for their ongoing strength as a family. And please also include my aunt Anita and my cousin Alex for the new challenges that may soon to come.