Missing my friends...

Current mood: thankful

I really miss my friends. Especially my girlfriends. Some I haven't seen in years, others- just a couple of months, but it is just too long. I feel myself not being the same without them physically near.

I miss Dianna, and her music. Ally and I would pack up our stuff, drive to Dianna's, she'd cook dinner usually and we would eat, hang out, talk, and if I was lucky- she'd play for me. There is something about Dianna's music that makes my heart feel relaxed and open. It's written from true feelings and I can relate to every single song somehow. I miss her kitties and how Frannie HATED me! I miss her house, and her cold hardwood floors. I miss our talks about nothing and our talks about "somethings" that I felt like she could only understand. (being a sister Cali girl and all). Dianna, I miss you and I am glad you recorded the new song!

I miss Katielaine. I made a comment to Patrick the other day that I missed living with her. I loved waking up every morning, knowing my hair could be a crazy mess, i could be in a poopy mood, and she would be the sunshine of my morning. She opened me up to so many new ideas and she was the best person to say anything to and do anything with. I miss our friday nights of Jack in Box curly fries with ranch- her a diet coke me, a dr.pepper, atowel down to do our nails, and Legally Blonde playing on our small t.v. We would always feel motivated to do- "something". I miss our weekends at Silverados, I miss her tender soul- she was ALWAYS there, for whatever reason I needed her, she was reachable. When Bun died, she was there as if it was her rabbit, when Patrick and I were going through our "stuff" she was the one who saved her opinion (which killed her, i know) She is the only one who understands my family and loves them like her own. (especially my sister) Katielaine is my family and life is a little rougher not having her bright colorful spirit around.

I miss Adam. I miss seeing him everyday, for whatever reason- even it was just to have a sip of Dr. Pepper. When I was pregnant, he was the most incredible person to be around. he would bring me food at random, telling me to "feed the baby", he would limit my Dr. Pepper intake, (i am telling you, i was addicted to this stuff) he would come over all the time, to help me grocery shop, put something up on the wall, or just keep my company. He was always full of life, stories and drama... it was so great to have a friend that was so much fun and so loving and he appreciated everything! I remember for my birthday, he went to the redneck bar (so he calls it) even when he hates it! just to be with us on my birthday. Though I still talk to Adam throughout the week, I really miss seeing him. That was the great part about our relationship, and even when we didn't work in the mall together, I 'd either go see him or vice versa. You know, he is also so great with Ally, so loving, so thoughtful. He drove all the way out ot Hermitage from Franklin with Naresh just to watch Ally for an hour or two so I could go to my couseling session! That is a true friend!! I miss you Adam.

I miss Nancy. She's my life long forever BFF- a sister for life. I have only seen her a few times over the past few years and we are both terrible about calling. Besides the fact we live on the opposite side of the world and in a completely different time zone, we still manage to keep up our friendship. I miss us just being "us" I miss going to her house and her mom making my favorite Portuguese dish (I can't pronounce it, or I would) We did everything together- EVERYTHING. I miss that. I miss being in the same city. Driving to her house even if it was just for 30 minutes ot see her new shoes or something. Guaranteed though, every time I come home, she makes time to spend every second with me, when I am home. She's apart of my family too. She is apart of the wedding (of course) and so we have been able to talk more lately, and I really wish I had her around these days. Especially right now, going into a marriage (legally anyway) still learning everyday how to be a mom. Nancy was always so grown up, so "matter of fact" and she always tried to do the right thing, and she still does. This girl has a heart of gold. hehehehe, "pom ass"

Of course, I miss so many of my other friends that have been very special to me- Chelsea... one of my first friends in Nashville. We are a couple years apart and started working for the GAP on the same day, this started the bond. Our lives has weeved in and out of each others from time to time, but she and I always managed to stay right on track with each other. She expierenced emotional events in my life with me and vice versa. We reunited again (thanks babygap) and because of our special relationship, the bad things didn't break us. She could always make me laugh and she always brought a smile to my face. She is one of the most ambitious people i have met, and with such a postive personality like she has, it's certainly a lot ot miss.

I won't continue to go on and on, I was sitting here thinking of how much I missed my girlfriends and it brought a tear to my eye. I have the most wonderful friends in the entire world. I couldn't ask for better friends. But I have always been this blessed when it comes to my friends.

Rebekah Rogers is a great example- I can't express how AMAZING she is. Anything she touches becomes beautiful. Rebekah and I met at J. Crew, she was so quiet and just worked diligently in the back- always in men's. I really liked her attitude, always positive and sweet. When I got to know her, I thought, wow- what an incredible human being. I was automatically drawn to her.We became good friends, and just like the other I mentioned before, she always made such an effort to go out of her way. She was so thoughtful and had a huge heart and a love for God. She made you feel good about the world, because she believed in great things. She was one of the first people to show up in the hospital when Ally was born, and she was always there if I needed her. When I got in my car accident, she drove completely out of her way- frequently just to take me home. And didn't complain about it. She accepted me cooking her dinner as a form of payment. I miss being around her, she is always such a delight.

Thank you God for my incredible friends, and my wonderful family

Escaping Reality

Current mood: depressed

When I was younger I used to love to escape reality. I would watch movies, ride my bike, go for a long walk, or even just go for a drive. As we get older and establish our life (in whichever way that may be) we deal with life so differently. I remember watching movies and being inspired to save the world, take better care of myself, lighten up, learn something new... I would always want to do something great afterwards, and I would change something. It was always the same after the bike ride, the walk or the drive. I would come back more relaxed and inspired to do something.

These days... movies are depressing and they throw in your face the nastiness of the world. Everyone is cussing, having dirty unprotected diseased trampy sex, someone is cheating on someone, people never stay married, kids are screwed up, people like to kill people, etc. The only thing that inspires me to do is hug my baby and never let her out of the house! I no longer have a bike, the motivation to walk, and I have nowhere to drive too.

Remember when you and your group of friends would talk about what you wanted to do with your lives? Someone always wanted to do the impossible, someone always wanted to save the world, someone always wanted to be a nurse or a dr., a teacher, a scientist, a mom, etc... whatever it was. Well, I was lucky enough to have the most faciinating incredible friend sin all the world- and they are all doing what they wanted to do!!! Or they are pretty damn close. I am so proud of them all, but where am I??? I am not doing 1/2 of the things I ever wanted to do, or even still want to do. I am proudly a mommy (something I always wanted) and I moved away from my messy upbringing. So, what now? I have a job I like, that is perfect for me actually but it was never what I inspired to do. You know? Yesterday I met my boss's son. He is my age and he has accomplished extrodinary things! He graduated college several years ago, he moved to NY and now works for one of the biggest Real Estate Companies in the world. Actually it is ranked #2 in the world. (yeah... i know!) It just felt weird him asking me where I went school, why I moved here, etc... I felt so old and wasted away. How am I going to show my daughter all that is out there to live for in the world if I haven't expierenced it?

I have just been in a mental tomb full of sadness the past several months and the bricks keep laying on... eventually this too...shall pass