It should not be that hard.

Current mood: contemplative
Love shouldn't be that hard, the relationship definately always takes work and compromise, but the act of 'love' shouldn't feel forced. Why do I feel like I have been forcing a square peg into a circle hole?

Such an ass!

Current mood: aggravated

Could he be more self centered? He thinks he just made a simple 'mistake', and wonders why he can't be trusted. A simple mistake is forgetting to enter the $40.00 debit transaction into the right bank account. It may have been just a mistake if he did it once and was drunk, then, it would have been a stupid, fucked up mistake and still almost unforgivable because of all of the lies told but, that whole year relationship was a choice and he chose to lie to me and chose to hide it all from me... and proof that he never loved me. So why was/am I so stupid to believe he could actually love me now? Why because I was dumb enough to let him hurt me then allow him in my life again? Was that because i was too forgiving or because I truly loved him? Either way he didn't deserve any of that love, and yet, he still thinks I should just get over it? I WOULD LOVE TO! However, when hurt like that , someone's self worth and esteem is damaged... could I blame him for that- no, but I can blame him for being selfish and so self cenetered- right?? I deserve better than that, i deserve someone honest and faithful...

The Crossroad

Current mood: confused

I am at that point where I can move forward or stand still. If I move forward am I leaving something behind that I may regret? If I stand still, I could potentially be missing out on something great, something better. Not necessarily a/the 'person', but a/the 'life'. I am happy with Life, and life is good, but for some reason, I am not fulfilled. At what point does the fulfillment begin to happen?

When life begins to turn...

Current mood: content

Things that used to be your favorite start changing, things you used to dislike are now things you appreciate and things you use to love fade into something else. Nothing negative, nothing missing~ just a new phase, an 'entry' phase, if you will, to get you prepared for the new chapter of your life.

When change occurs, its hard to understand if its a good change, a needed change or something less welcomed. One of my dearest friends (also previous roomie) enlightened me years ago... Katielaine.... she told me that no matter how you embrace the change, its going to happpen, it's just the attitude you have or how you deal with it, and most importantly- what you do with the opportunity. She also would sing or play the Sing 'Time will do the talking", Patty Griffin to me constantly. I used to think it could only be a bandaid song when I was feelign lost and low, but it lately has new meaning. In my most recent change, the postponement of the wedding and changes between Patrick and I, it has been a comfort to play the song or place myself in the 'comfy spot' and wait it out... not to freak out, be scared of the unknown, but to let change happen, and when I begin to start to new chapter I will be able to look back and understand it. To tell you the truth, I am nervous and excited and scared shitless of what I am supposed to do and the fact that I don't have a clue of my next move.

A couple of random quotes I found and enjoy:

It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.
-- Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan, 1892, Act I

All human beings should try to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why.
-- James Thurber

We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action.
-- Frank Tibolt